Pa, can you hear me?

Pa, I miss you so much..... can you hear me? It has been 8 years since you left...... But I have never stopped missing you. When I am sad, I think of you coz you are always there to listen to my problems. When I am happy, I think of you too coz you are always there to be twice as happy for me. Life without you is never the same. Yet I know that you are looking after us from heaven.

I hope that there is a stock market in heaven so that you won't be so bored. I hope too that there is a kopitiam there so that you can continue your yum cha session there. I hope there is ASTRO too, so that you won't be bored there. But I guess that there is no Toto or Magnum outlet there coz God does not like people to gamble.

You have never caned me before. That is what I like about you the most. You always shield us when mum starts to bring out her cane. I miss the times when you would play your guitar and sing to us till we fall asleep. Till today I still can hear your voice singing the Jamaica song, Cantonese songs and romantic English songs. I like the times when you would lie down with us and tell us interesting stories from the "3 Little Pigs" to horror pontianak stories. I always look forward to Christmas as I know whatever we write on the paper, Santa Claus will definitely bring it to us.

Supper times are the best as we go together to "tapau" char kuey teow. Till today, I still go to the same stall for char kuey teow, coz when I eat it, it reminds me of you. I miss too the times when we shout in front of the TV to support the Malaysian badminton team every Thomas Cup season. I like it when you wake me up quietly in the middle of the night, without mum's knowledge to watch vampire movies with you. Every Chinese New Year morning, you would buy each of us a big balloon. You try hard to satisfy us though your pockets were quite tight at that time. Thank you for going all out to find a way to buy the walkman that I wanted for my birthday, even though you were really down on your luck at that time. Thank you for all that you have done for me, Pa.......

But when you were sick, I was impatient with you, and even quarelled with you. Yet you continue to love me and bear with me. Sorry Pa for all the pain that I cause to you. Thank God before you left, we spent the last month together meaningfully. Thank God on the night before you left, we managed to talk even though you were on the ventilator. Though you were unconscious, I knew you were listening coz whenever I asked you a question, you responded by squeezing my hand once for yes and twice for no. I regretted asking you to leave at that time, yet I could not bear to see you suffer with those tubes in your body. Anyway, Pa...... I really love you....... You were the best Pa that one could ever have. Nobody can take your place...... I would never trade you for anything in the world, Pa.

P/S: This is in English, specially for my Pa who doesn't know Mandarin.