Xiaodoudou's Spirit.........

Read a blog http://xiaodoudou.blogspot.com/, recommended by my dearest brother in his blog. It's about this cancer girl who was so optimistic, yet knew that she had no more than 2 years to live. Imagine getting this news:

Quoted from xiaodoudou's blog:

After the chemo, I went to see Dr See again. I needed to know where all these treatments are leading me to.
Me: What are the chances of my recovery?
Dr: Out of a hundred, about fifty will get to go into remission.
Me: Then how long does these fifty get to survive?
Dr: The cancer comes back after a few months after they go into remission, the survival span is around 1-2 years.
Me: That means I only have 1-2 years? I will not get to live past 30 years old? I'm only 25.
Dr: (Nods her head with tears in her eyes.)
Me: Then how will I die?
Dr: Most will eventually suffer from kidney failure from the fluid build-up then go into a coma and die.
Me: Even dialysis will not help?
Dr: (Nods her head with tears in her eyes.)

There was nothing I could ask anymore. All I could do was cry and that's what I do on and off since last night till now. My family is 100% supportive and Dear came over to lie beside me and watch me fall asleep before she went home. I am thankful for everything I have. However, the thought of having such a short time to live and probably having to tolerate chemo during long periods of whatever life I have just scares me so much. I thought the most beautiful part of my life just started, me and Dear finally managed to get together again. We have the financial ability to get a flat, live together and build a wonderful future, go travelling and see the world in each other's eyes. I wanted to take good care of my parents and give my mummy the best years an old lady can ever get. Now all these crumbles and seem so impossible.

Damn it...... the moment I start reading it, I started crying non-stop. What more, I read it from the end to the beginning. The crematorium comes first, the death, the sufferings, then only the beginning when she started her chemo treatment.........

Well, at least what she wished for in her life came true during her periods of suffering from cancer.

Quoted from xiaodoudou's blog:

I used to pray for weight loss, mummy to be gentle, papa to quit gambling, meimei to be sweet, a love whom I know is for sure, friends who stick by me and whom I can always count on. All these which once seemed almost impossible to realise altogether at once, came true. What more can a girl ask for?

After finishing, I thought to myself, if I am down with cancer, what will I do? Well, this is not something impossible, breast cancer runs in my family, and I have had a big lump removed before........ I have always been thinking of this possibility................. Who knows, I might be diagnosed tomoro to be having cancer...... maybe even last stage cancer..........

Well, if I really get cancer, I'm gotta to be more optimistic than this gal (say easy, do hard).

1. I won't go for chemo, and just live the remaining days of my life the way i want.

2. I wan to continue to work, just like usual, living normally, not letting the cancer dominate my life.

3. I wil stop all my part-time work and enjoy myself playing my fav. computer games, reading my fav. books, watching my fav. shows.................. every evening and night........

4. I wil eat, without bothering I will be fat or not.........regardless of the price.......regardless of the sugar level..........regardless of the cholesterol level................

5. I wil bring my mum travelling to places I hav wanted to go, but still haven't gone.....Club Med, Pulau Redang, Sabah, Sarawak, Bali, Korea..........(I'm not greedy.....I don't ask for too expensive or too far places.........only the realistic ones within my budget....)

6. Spend my mum's money shopping.... buying all the things i wan...........then tell her i will pay her back after I'm dead, thru my life insurance payout where my dearest mum is the beneficiary........... See, who says you can't benefit from your own life insurance?

7. I'm going to have Japanese food in my menu every day. Jus love it. Never got tired of eating salmon, sushi, udon, grilled eel, scallops, octopus, chawanmushi, soft shell crab and my beloved raw OYSTERS!!!!!

8. I'm going to continue write my blog and fill it with nice memories..................

9. I'm going to really start writing a book and get it published...............Who knows I may be famous after my death...............

10. I'm going to tel my family to remember donating my organs (whatever that are not affected by cancer cells to the people in this world who need it for their survival.....)

11. I'm going to write to 林宇中，张栋梁，窦智孔，品冠，潘玮柏 to visit me before I die........It's going to be a win-win situation: I get to see the real person, they get free publicity.............

12. I'm going to plan my own funeral, and make my family promise that they will follow it........ no funeral service, no burial - cremation only.

13. I'm going to sleep now....................coz no matter whether I'm going to live or die......sleep is still the most important thing in my life.................. Ciao!