Funerals....

I can't go to funerals. Coming out of one, I tend to get very upset..... Especially if the deceased is someone young and nice, having a bright future ahead of him / her......

Following on, every meal that I take will make me guilty. Every fun that I have will make me feel even bad. Looking in the mirror every morning, the same question will keep circling in my head: Why am I still here? I am no better than a lot of people in this world. Why does God still keep me here on earth?

The good thing out of funerals are that I tend to push myself further. I tell myself that I can't just rest like I have plenty of years ahead of me. I need to get things going so that even when I'm gone one day, there will be no regrets. Besides that, I tell myself I need to start doing things that I've planned but never get them materialized so far.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Looking at AM and CH at the funeral, my heart really goes out to them. 白发人送黑发人。。。I can't imagine how my mum will take it if the one lying in the coffin is me or my brother or my sister...... Hope this will never have to happen to her..........

To AM and CH, may God comfort you all during this time and heal your wounds as time passes.

Going back to 'Masyarakat Jahiliah'........

Another life gone due to those stupid idiotic snatch thieves. A happy go lucky young guy, planning to get married next year, lost his life while chasing after a snatch thief who took away with his laptop while he was working on it. Two of that guy's accomplices stabbed him a few times on his side, and it happened that they stabbed into his aorta, that caused him to die.

The government should impose life imprisonment (I'm not a supporter of the death penalty) for those snatch thieves that cause people to die. These cold-blooded animals are inhumane and do not know the value of life. Isn't it ridiculous that nowadays our lives are not even worth the price of a laptop or maybe even a bag.

It has always been said that our lives depend on God. However, nowadays, our lives depend on heartless human beings. If they decide to just snatch away our items and just run off, we are considered lucky. If they decide to give you just a punch on the head, you are considered fortunate.

I shudder to think what would have happened to me if I had decided to give chase to the snatch thief that took away with my bag (full of valuable things and RM500 cash) during my uni days... Anyway, I should be thankful to the thief that he cut off my bag strap and not my hand. I should be grateful that he did not push me into the drain that I was standing next to which was 5 metres deep. I should 'bersyukur' coz he was quick and professional enough to snatch away my bag without me feeling it. Shouldn't I????

What kind of world is this today? I really feel that we the human race are moving backwards towards the 'masyarakat jahiliah' that we learnt in our form 4 history book.

Ai.......

RIP Swee Leong

Just the thing that I need..........

Just a hint is
what I hope
yet the eyes
never blink
nose and ears
never quiver
lips never part


An assurance
is what I need
yet
the hands
do
not reach out
STOP
the feet
continues
their
own journey
throwing
me
abandoning
me
PLEASE
leaving
me behind
WAIT
struggling
for
stability


An answer
is what I need
yet
silence
takes over
dusk and dawn
stillness
still
till
ill
i
.
.
.
......................................................................

SLE..... took her away.....

Another death.....

This time a uni fren of mine.....SLE

There are another 2 more gals I know out there who have this SLE too.... However, I'm glad for them that they are living life ok.

For those who do not know what is SLE, this is it:

SLE (systemic lupus erythomatesus)

Taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Systemic_lupus_erythematosus. If you want to know even more, go to this website.

Sample pict: Typical butterfly like rash over the cheeks in SLE patients

Systemic lupus erythematosus is a chronic autoimmune connective tissue disease that can affect any part of the body. As occurs in other autoimmune diseases, the immune system attacks the body’s cells and tissue, resulting in inflammation and tissue damage.

SLE most often harms the heart, joints, skin, lungs, blood vessels, liver, kidneys, and nervous system. The course of the disease is unpredictable, with periods of illness (called flares) alternating with remissions. The disease occurs nine times more often in women than in men, especially between the ages of 15 and 50, and is more common in those of non-European descent.

SLE is treatable through addressing its symptoms, mainly with corticosteroids and immunosuppressants; there is currently no cure. SLE can be fatal, although with recent medical advances, fatalities are becoming increasingly rare. Survival for people with SLE in the United States, Canada, and Europe is approximately 95% at five years, 90% at 10 years, and 78% at 20 years.

Will remember the time we had.... staying on the same floor.....visiting each other's room......mamak stall together......bitching bout those idiotic seniors........cracking jokes and laughing together........... visiting your condo...... bringing you to hospital......

Fui Yen...... rest in peace.......

It's really small.....

Things can be quite weird sometimes......

The last 3 referrals that I received since July till now were either my schoolmates' brothers or cousin brother.

The first was MT's brother. I guess I was slow in picking up traces of facts. I did not even see the similarity even after listening to his mum telling me about her pitiful life. The first child was a stillborn...... Then, his 3rd child died in a road accident during his teenage years, followed by my friend, MT who died of cancer. Now, the youngest is a slow learner.

You know.... My daughter should be as big as you if she's still alive. She died of cancer.
I'm so sorry.
How old are you?
I'm born in 1981.
My daughter too. Where did you study last time?
Convent.
Convent? My daughter was there too!
(Then I began to realize that the boy's surname was W.)
Is your daughter MT?
Yeah.......
Oh.... The world is so small......

MT's brother did come and join us for 2 months, but due to certain circumstances he had to stop. It's really a pity though, coz he was such a potential for open employment. Maybe it was because he was MT's brother that I favoured him more, maybe it was his pitiful background so I paid more attention to him. Anyhow, he's not with us anymore. All the best to you, KS!


The second one was M's cousin brother.

This centre is a Christian centre, right?
Yes.
Which church set up this centre?
GGBP.
My sister is there too.
Izzit?
Her name is PL.
Oh, her daughter is M, right? We were once classmates.
Yeah, that's my niece.
Oh..... The world is so small.....


The third one.....

How old are you, teacher?
Born in 1981.
My daughter too. Maybe you know my daughter. She's an accountant.
I don't think I know her.
When she was in sec. school, she studied in Convent.
Convent? Wat's her name?
CP.
Oh.... The world is so small........

It's really small......


But I really hope in the future, I don't see my friends...... in such a manner. Send me anything, but not your children to me..............

Frozen.....

I'm down, this week....
Really down.....

The feeling of betrayal by someone that you have always helped all along, even though she doesn't deserve it is equal to shit. It's not what this person owes or whether she has been putting in effort to clear them, it's just that whatever she does is just for her own selfish reasons without giving a damn hoot about other people. It's just like she's reaping off another person's life jacket in order to keep herself afloat.

" Trust no one but yourself." I regret not learning this earlier. Well, my uni degree doesn't cover this and I am just plain stupid to allow myself be reaped of of my life jacket. For the next few months, years and my life down the road, never again will I fall into the trap of tears and soppy stories. Anyone can just flood the whole town, but I will never take out my life jacket again.

I'm going to freeze my heart, let it be frozen and make myself stay in cold storage. I'm going to be cold-blooded, inhumane and turn into a zombie with no emotions.

Yes, trust no one but myself.

The Real Patriotism and 1Malaysia

At last, National Day is over. It is really sickening to hear those hypocritical politicians talking about patriotism and 1Malaysia, regardless of their race or religion. It is even sickening to see some of them waving the national flag, proclaiming their patriotic spirit, while at the same time inciting hatred in certain races towards other races.

Why can't these people see that by inciting hatred in each other, they are actually trying to break the country into pieces. If they are really that patriotic, they should be thinking of ways to unite the whole country instead of causing it to crumble.

If we want to be patriotic, the next election we should be voting for the right politician that promotes unity among races, unity among religion, unity among people of different status. We should let those racial based politicians be sitting out in the cold. It is not about which party we support, but what agenda we are supporting. UMNO, MCA, MIC, PKR, PAS DAP..... all have their racist, 'religionist' and sexist politicians. And at the same time, there are those in these parties who promote peace and understanding and fighting for human rights instead of racial rights. So, to be patriotic, we have to kick those scums out of politics and let the right people take the chair. If one day, our country go into chaos, who should we blame? The answer is OURSELVES, because we vote for the wrong people up.

To be patriotic and promote unity, first we have to start with education. Malays should be willing to give up their Matriculation colleges and take STPM together with the rest. Chinese and Indians should be willing to give up their Chinese and Tamil school system and go back to the Sekolah Kebangsaan. If we can't even give way on this matter, there is no use talking about loving this country and being 1Malaysia.

My advice - there is no 1Malaysia or patriotism in politics. Everything is just a farce. You want 1Malaysia and patriotism? Take a look at those who have special needs children, sick children in the hospital, HIV / AIDS family members, dying family members in the hospice, who are trapped in a flood or collapsed building, or dying in a pandemic. In these cases, you only have all who are in the SAME BOAT, no colour, no race, no religion. It is in times of difficulties, people see beyond their skin colour and the God they are worshipping. Everyone extends a hand to you and comfort comes from all. We help without motives and without hidden agenda. Everyone is bound together in the name of humanity. This is when you have 1Malaysia and patriotism.